My ex-boyfriend commited suicide -- how to deal?

What you have is a case of survivor's guilt. No matter what you had done, sometimes you can't prevent a suicide from happening. You were still young, fact is you still are, and you don't always have the right answers or the experience. That's not a sin, and you have no reason to regret anything. You did the best you knew and could do at the time. Nobody can ask any more of themselves than that. You got out of a bad relationship and away from a potential abuser. Abusive people have way more problems than the average 17-18 year old can handle, shoot they have more problems than some 40 year olds can handle. I know they say never to speak ill of the dead, but you also don't have to try to do a whitewash job either. And that's what you are trying to do here. I'm sorry you lost the ex-boyfriend, but nothing you did was wrong. Matter of fact, you did a lot right, more than most folks would have even attempted. Stop making excuses for him, it's not necessary. Stop feeling guilt over what you think you didn't do and might have done. Even had you gotten involved, there is nothing to say the outcome would have been any different, but there is excellent arguement you could have been hurt far worse. Protecting yourself is no sin, not a personal shortcoming. And remember, before you can help anyone, you must first help yourself and they have to want help. In the meantime, grief is normal- but only in reason. If you need help working through this, you can find a therapist, or the mental health advisor at the student health clinic can help. You can even discuss the matter with a spiritual advisor, if you are a spiritual person. What you feel currently is pretty natural and normal though, just don't let the guilt take over things.